Saturday, June 21, 2008

Being A Father...

My previous posting was more towards informational and to some said very formal. Indeed, part my on reason is to sharpen my ability to pen down right words for my research and post-graduates studies sometime in near future. On the other side, I do have something light to share about myself too. It is about being a father to my daughter. Some people may think, what so good to write about being a Father.

To me being a Father caught me in unprepared situation. I was told being a parent, specifically being a father got to be "hands-on". No former education and books will tell you exactly how to become a father to my child. I refused to admit the truth behind of it. As the matter of fact, I'm very much in state of denial. I took my time search through all the knowledge about being parenthood through book store, Internet and magazines. Magazines sometimes can be interesting as it included a lot of real-world parenting experience.

My daughter was born in the midst beyond my calculation. My wife woke up in a mess where the "water bag" burst on the beautiful Sunday morning. I did not know what went wrong, I mean on the beautiful Sunday morning, you won't want to think of something surprises. I had the intention to spend a lot more quality time with my wife after been away 4 weeks due to chicken pox. Yeah chicken pox at my age, seemed and sounded ridiculous.

It struck my mind that my daughter will be arriving on that day itself. Of course I drove her to the Hospital fortunately around 10 minutes distance. We arrived with mix-feelings and when my wife knows that she has to wait another 10 hours later before laboring, she went nuts. Obviously, she is not a very patient person, I was feeling under the weather that day. Thinking I could be sick on that day. I said to myself, can I just postpone to fall sick, apparently it does not work out.

After more than 12~13 hours of waited, finally my little girl arrive, and I felt like I'm a million bucks man! I was quite overjoyed and began calling everyone that I know. My best friend send text messages at the wrong time asking the status of delivery not knowing that was my wife last push before my little girl appear in this world. When I re looked back I still had a very vivid picture in my mind. At the same time, I begin to feel afraid.

Feeling afraid of not because of my daughter arrived, but afraid on how becoming a good or great father to my little girl. The feeling of need to start "hands-on" becoming a father starts immediately. I tried to settle down myself with a lot of assumptions and began to apply some hypnosis technique to clear away the thoughts of being fear. It works temporarily until I realised it takes greater responsibility, accountability and trust in becoming a father to my daughter.

I look up upon my own Father as an example. As many people may know, those days Fathers are usual strict and no- nonsense style. My Father was no difference compare others. He is a man with great discipline and find ways to resolve an issue. In contrast, I fare a bit low in this area. Nevertheless, I would admit most of the quality on father should be looked upon. However, I start to look at ways in being a father to my daughter . I realised those days techniques applicable as I was born during industrial age time. In today fast pace knowledge era time, kids are generally smarter than my time.

It is due to the exposure we have today in modern technology that sometimes frightened me. Knowing my child sooner or later will have the opportunity to learn all this great things at very tender age. On the other hand, I am concerned about the what today societies behave. Such as white lies, pornography, conspiracy, corruption, violence and many others.

Seemed like a bunch of negative elements blended into our society now. It is my job to stand by my child to provide path clearance what's right and what's not right. Sometimes I feel it is very challenging, especially morally, the belief and religiously. I suppose it should be part of my job as Father anyway. I concluded being a Father is not about pouring my love to my child and at times spoiling her but to be able to equip with multi-skills in managing any possible situation.

I feel we got to be good in EQ or SQ in taking on this matter. No longer logically should be this way or that way anymore. I guess we need to begin to tell our kids what make sense what does not too. A little psychology knowledge is very important. Some people say what? Need to study psychology? That just take too much time, forget about it. Well, I don't think we need to become psychologist in handling the matter but a little knowledge about it especially parenting does help.

In Singapore, we heard a lot of great kids does their studies very well. When comes to emotional management, I think most parents give up on that part. Most of the reason mentioned would be the business with work and others.Bringing up a child and educating them take much further than that. I guess I have more things to do in equipping myself with these skills.

In summary, there is no formal or informal education about being a parent. If there is, it would be very fundamental types and having such a policy and process in place can be very expensive in terms of health care. A parent as for me being a dad, I will continue to learn on how to become a great father to my child as long as it is.

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